After last night’s post, I centered myself and began to meditate. It had been a while since I spent time in meditation, and it felt good to get a chance to reconnect with myself. My main goal of my meditation was to come to peace with myself, but it evolved into calling together the elements and spirits. I called on them, and when I began to call on fire, I realized at this time, it would be best for me to call only on the spirits of magic in Fire.

Fire is a masculine energy that is the symbol for Magic, vigor, and power. And I realized shortly after calling on the Power of fire, that asking for such a manifestation was like giving a pissed off two-year-old an SMG. I corrected this summon and reverently asked the Spirits of Power to leave. I realized the reason that I should not be using magic right now is that my inner self has been hurt and altered in a way where I have been harboring negative energies and hatred. Though certainly justified, such inner hatred could subconsciously be channeled through my spirit, and worse, through my Magic.

Though such feelings are only Natural, one must keep in mind that By accepting, Practicing, and Using Magic, that you are becoming Supernatural, thus you must be BETTER than your instincts, even if they are justified. You have to become stronger than your fleshy self. You have to keep in mind that Karma takes notice when you up your spiritual ante. So I decided that for right now, it would be unwise to do anything beyond ground and purify myself.

While in meditation, I met a spirit that referred to himself as Tomas, and said that he was an Earth Elemental that knew the knowledge of a useful spell to help me cleanse the negatives and hatred. He asked for a remarkably small sacrifice, but gave me the knowledge of a complicated spell that would take three days to complete. Once I am done, I think I will again be able to be in the performing state.