Well, Today I got started on my Herb garden after I dropped Katrina off at work. This is going to be a particularly important undertaking this year. I’m going to grow herbs that I’ll use in my spell work. Also, I’m growing some flowers for my mom and such, but most importantly is that I’m going to construct an Alter.

I’m not going to make it incredibly obvious what it is, but from here, I can perform my rituals in the open comfort out of my room, which is tiny and cluttered. It will be a really pretty plaza between two bushes in my front yard close to my house. I’m also going to transfer my grape vines to better soil, as well as try to grow some strawberries and other fruit.

Missouri soil sucks, so I’m going to dig deeply, transfer the soil to our compost pile, and get organic garden soil to fill it in. After that, I’m going to get an actual decorative alter which will be decorated with plants and such. I’ll consecrate the ground with the elements and begin. I can’t wait! I love to garden, always did, even before I came to this path. It gives me a chance to reflect and listen to inner thoughts.

The important thing to realize though that the herbs themselves are not what makes magic, they are the physical manifestation of what your spirit is doing. Herbs are like a Tool for magic. Tools don’t build houses, but they make the task easier.

Plants are also used as sacrifice. I’ll spend all spring and summer nurturing and growing them, and when the time comes, I will burn them on the alter. But not only will I burn them, saving some, of course, but also I will use them as for practical purposes as well. Chamomile is an excellent alternative to sleep aids, I’ll grow my own catnip both for tea and my cats. The flowers will be beautiful as well.

I’m growing Lavender because it is a powerful tool in itself. It drives away negative energy, it smells good, and it can be used in healing. I also want to grow rose for love, Solomon’s Seal for sacrifices, Marjoram and thyme for protection and purity, Foxglove, to attract nature spirits, yarrow, to promote lasting friendship between Katrina and I. I’m still searching for others, but the space I have isn’t all that big. So I may just call it good from there.

Ironically enough, I chose the spot because not much grows there. It’s easier to till that way. Rocks are tough, but roots can be worse. I hope that the ground itself isn’t that bad. It doesn’t seem like bad dirt. One side will be for herbs, the other will be for flowers. The herbs are mostly my choice, but the flowers are for my mom.

A time for renewal and for cleansing; I can’t wait for the warm air again. We’ve had a few good breaks, but for the most part, it’s been really cold and snowy. This is good; because the weather needs to follow its proper cycles. Today, I’m getting ready to get ready to start my garden. (Intentional funny) I like to work with the Earth, but this year will be especially significant. I’m going to be growing my own herbs that I’ll use for my spell-work and teas.

I’ve always started gardens because I’ve always enjoyed it, but Missouri’s soil leaves something to be desired. Today, I’m going to look through some of my books and pick out applicable plants and use them when they grow.

I gave Katrina some necklaces for Valentines Day and a small amulet I made for the entry to her room. The first necklace is red and represents the sun. This is made to give her energy and vigor. The sun is a symbol of ambition and power. The second is pink, and represents friendship and Love. The third one is blue, this one represents the wind. Wind is the symbol of focus, determination, and will, and change. The forth one is Purple and represents the power of magic. The purple one is for protection, to enhance her aura, her shield. To drive away spirits of stress and negativity.

The amulet is made to be hung at the door, and serves as a barrier, much like her purple necklace. There is so much tension in her house and I used a crystal shard wrapped in chain and thread. It serves as a power tool to drive this energy from her room. I haven’t told her the dynamics of these tools, but they seem to have affected her in a positive way.

I wish that I could make one for her house, but the people around her are the source of it. She says she’s tried meditation but she lacks focus. That, I can help her with. The purpose of meditation is to find a peaceful state of mind, reach deep into yourself, and to discover what it is that you can do to better the world around you.

I use a Gaia based meditation. I view my spirit as a world and the elements of this world make up its geography. The elements of this world are of spiritual significance and each represents a certain aspect of your soul.

The wind is the first element, the sky, the weather. The wind, like I said before represents focus, determination, will, and change. Wind is important because without it, nothing moves and the world that is my mind becomes stagnant and complacent. It is important to be satisfied with life, but to have an unproductive life is a waste of your soul.

The next is fire. Fire represents the sun of this world, and the natural uses and occurrences of fire. Fire, as I said before represents power and ambition. A person who is not balanced in fire may be belligerent, egotistical, obsessive, and may consume too much for their own good. Fire is an element that people have to be careful with. If someone has too little fire, may lack creativity, lack energy, be cowardly, or too submissive.

After that is water. Water is a nurturing aspect of humanity. Water reflects our compassion, peaceful desires, capacity for Love, and initiative. Too much water can lead people to be a pushover, lazy, insecure, indecisive, and instable. Too little water can lead to hard-heartedness, and having a lack of care or love.

After that is Earth. Earth represents our wisdom, vitality, stamina, consistency, and respectfulness. The earth is slow, but steadfast. If there is too much Earth energy, it can lead you to be Rigid, emotionally cold, untrusting, rigid, and un-open state of mind. People who lack this balance of Earth can be foolish, inconsistent, disrespectful, and irresponsible.

In order to diagnose my spiritual state, I reflect my decisions, thoughts, and actions, and find out what I am doing to the world inside of me. Am unbalanced in one element? I look at my actions to tell. Healing can be accomplished in meditation alone. That is what I do during these wonderful little breaks from the chaotic world I live in.

I haven’t been able to post for a while; my mind has been tied up with other things. A few days ago, I’ve felt horrible; I’ve had all kinds of complicated problems interfere with my devotion and connectivity to the Goddesses and Gods. But, at last I as able to find a pocket in time and was able to again sit in a consecrated circle and able to perform magic again. As well as continue to write on the Book of Craft. As well as a small Novel called Kalhoarn Forrest.

I have It’s hard to describe, but circumstances in my life have a nasty habit or turning on me when I don’t remain focused. It’s all action/reaction I suppose. It’s only human to get worked up about situations in life, especially when they have to do with complicated emotions such as love and that kind of stuff. Anyway, moving onward.

Lately, not just with the reclamation of my good mood and happy state of mind, but also magic continues to show its pretty little face into my life. Oddly enough, my cat, (Well one of them anyway) has always previously HATED going into my room, she’s never do it. But now it seems like every time I come home, my cat is sleeping in my room. It’s a very sudden change and undoubtedly rather intriguing.

I think this is odd, because cats have long by Pagan communities and cultures been considered for their magical properties. Maybe she’s found a “Hot Spot” so to speak. I’m thankful to be able to create such a thing be that the case.

However, Magic isn’t all seriousness, no games. This is not to say that magic is a plaything, but at the same time, a little comical relief can be found in magic. First off, there was a rather amusing story where I accidentally burnt off a portion of my leg hair being that since my parents don’t know of my beliefs, I have to practice it in my bedroom or in the night, which tends to run horribly cold this time of year…

Normally, a magic circle of nine feet is ideal, I however consider myself lucky if once my things are cornered; I get a thirty eight inch circle. So I have quarter sized bald patch in the calve of my leg. Another funny incidence was when I did something similar but to the back of my head. Luckily, I have long hair, so I was able to pull forward only seconds after the singe started Crackling.

Although those two scenarios are amusing, being how magic using states are much like trance states, (So Just picture a guru on fire if you need visual aid to see the humor.) I’d have to say by far the funniest example of magic gone funny was when I was making a type of magic tea, and my parents asked if they could have some.

Now first off, let me make two things clear. My Parents are NOT Pagan, they are both Bible thumping Christians. The Second thing that I must make clear is that they are NOT living a sexually active relationship. Things happened years ago, trust was broken, and they’ve drifted apart. The only sounds that ever come from their room are snoring. I don’t know why they stay together, but they do.
Anyway, remember when I said that a Magic Cologne could be applied? Well, that’s what the tea was about. I was making tea of Chamomile, which is known to induce relaxation, but also invokes intuition. Originally, a relaxed state of mind is achieved, Rose petals are boiled in water, it is drunk, and water is shared amongst the circle of those whom have been called upon. (In my case, I always call upon the spirits of the elements, and the Goddess and God.) And then, the rose petals are burnt as a sacrifice. I combined these spells in an obvious sense. The Tea was guidance and intuition, the rose petals were for Love.

I get my ceremonial water from a spring in the area. It’s about nine blocks from my house, I’ll walk there, (I could drive, but that’s sort of like a wise man taking a corvette on a spiritual journey… walking is better for the environment anyway and since it’s such a short trip, why not?)

I gather the water, I take it back to my house, boil it, bottle it, and use it. So, even if you believe that I am absolutely insane and have no connection to reality at all, you can at least see from a ceremonial stance of how much trouble I went through to get this done.

I make the tea, I get the water going, in goes the Chamomile, in goes the roses petals and leaves (Made by hand. Luckily I put them in a tea sachet) I add in honey made from Rose blossoms, it’s like 9:30, they’ve gone to bed. Suddenly, my dad comes in and he’s like, “What are you making?” I told him the obvious, but left out some of the more uncanny details. He asks if he could have some and he goes and asks my mom if she wants any.

So, what am I supposed to say, No?! So yeah, I say sure, they come in have some and go off to bed. The next day, my mom goes to church, my dad does whatever. And I go to work. I get home from work and then my phone rings. I answer it, it’s my mom, and her and my dad went on a drive some point in the day, and I guess that they decided that they wanted to stay at a bed and breakfast.

They bring back pictures and the place is romantic, beautiful by all means, and they both seemed to come home with a glow about that that I know from a long ago time. It was Hilarious!

I am writing a book of my own, not one for publication purposes, but one of my own research. I spend much more time reading than I used to. Reading to me used to be a chore. I don’t know if it’s a college thing or if the restoration of balance in my life has moved my spirit into a “Learning’ mentality, but all I know is that I now have the desire to read and learn more.

But in this book, I have written all new things I learn about magic, the Earth, and Craft. Because many books start out with the Basics, the “Givens” of Paganism so to speak, I write the new things I learned in this book. I’m Glad that I started with the user friendly version of the belief.

The First book I read was written by a pagan, but It was written in the format that it was simply informative. Like a textbook format. Very Factual, very, “This is what pagan’s generally Believe in” (Keep in mind our beliefs vary but the foundation stays the same.) the second book I read was very hard to read. It was very scripted, and made it feel more like a Religion. It did have things that were wonderful and insightful, but at the same time, it was written in a since where you felt like you were holding a rope for a guillotine or something.

But my studies now shift from the foundations of beliefs to the more of the Psychic awareness and the ancient study of the Reiki and the Chakra’s. Neither of my books really went into detail of the two matters, but I wish to study them individually. After all, I want mainly to excel in the art of healing.

I don’t really get much into rituals. I mean, I’ve only been pagan long enough to celebrate three moons. I have respect, for the spirits, but when I mediate, or when I go out and cast a circle, it feels more like an enthusiastic get-together, rather than some spine-chilling creepy affect. I’m not complaining though. I do what feels right, and by doing so, I am empowered and fulfilled.

My favorite thing to do is when after I have invited all elements into my circle, is to lay on my back, relax deeply, and thank what all has been done for me, and then talk about things that are going on. My spirit is very water-based. Highly emotional, and when out of my balanced circle for prolong periods of time, can come out and make me feel horrible.

However, I find that entering a circle, communion with the elements, and by strengthening and balancing my Spiritual mind, I can generally very easily overlook my personal problems. It didn’t take long to make meditating a “Habit.” (I Hate calling it a habit, because it is neither mundane nor obligating)

The first time I felt the Balance brought to me in circle was unbelievable, and it is now unthinkable for me to go any more than two days without being in a consecrated circle. I now look forward to mediating like a kid does his favorite TV show when he gets out of school.

The grave


Last night was the first time I had been to a church in a good two months. (It seems like a lot longer…) anyway, I went to my old church because it was one of those days were piggies flew, the moon was blue, hell froze over, politicians were honest, an American approached a political issue using logic, and I had some time off.

It was odd, I walked through the building and… wow things were the same. But different. All I know is I told a friend that I would request a Sunday off and drop in, but I send her my apologies, because I find that I should spend as little time in that building as possible. There is Chaos in there, and walking around in it was much like watching a burning corpse, it’s disgusting, but there’s no helping but to stare.

I imagine that will still haunt the place from time to time, like I did last night. It was very refreshing actually. There was spirit energy everywhere. I know it when I can see it. The alter was stained with invisible blood. But I could see it. So much of it… It was disgusting. Still, I couldn’t help but watch. I wasn’t in worship, I wasn’t in prayer or meditation, I was simply walking around.

I followed my many paths were I had paced my own roads in the carpet. I was on my trail when I ran into a regret of mine. Literally, we almost smacked noses. The only reason we didn’t was because my head was down, I was in a daze, and I planted mine into her shoulder.

I looked up, and my first thoughts were, “Goddammit.” I felt it, I needed not to look up before I knew who I had found. I apologized, we greeted, and I asked her how she was “faring.” (a bit of off dialect, even by my standards) she said she was doing pretty good and I said, “that’s good” and continued on my way. The moment really wasn’t that awkward, In fact, it was probably one of the most normal moments we ever shared.

The air grew warm, I could feel something as I passed. I looked up and no vents were in site. I turned my head, she was watching me. Facing me. I put my head back forward and continued walking like I actually had some place to be. I got into the youth room, sat in my spot, sat in hers, and I saw one more piece of physical presents, a Picture of me on a cork board. I took it off, folded it up, and ripped it to shreds. There is still one picture of me there that I must also destroy. Twas in my intentions, but it she was there at the time.

I want to destroy all evidence that I was there. I want only to exist in the minds of those whom took enough time to give a Fuck. I sought to destroy it before I left, but once again, there were people there. I evaded vision and decided that It would be better to come back another time.

I asked my friend why someone like me would Hate this place. He told me in verbatim detail why I do. It was drawn, but the Buzz sentence was, “Because this is a grave to everything you have ever believed in. This is where all the forces dwell that have seemingly abandoned you”

Yes, I remember. I remember everything. That’s where I sat when the sapling was uprooted. That was where I sat when I was told back off. That’s where I sat when my parents left and went home to fight. That’s where I sat when I got my first hug from a non-family member. That was where Wind and I held hands. All this things I remember acutely.

None will notice that my picture is gone, but that’s okay. I would, and that’s all the matters. I can spot a defect from a mile away, but I find defects beautiful. She isn’t perfect, if she was, she wouldn’t be beautiful. She’d be little more than strokes of paint or shards of stonework. She’d be artwork, she’d be fake. Her lips would not be soft, her skin would not be warm.

I now know that I am no longer at war with myself. So much of the pain on that alter was un-needed self-mutilation. It was a pleasant reminder of not so pleasant things. It was a good chance to reflect. It was a good chance to make peace with many others, besides myself.