I never thought that some of my decisions would follow me so far. A few days ago, Ashley had a question about the Bible and she asked me about it, but first she made sure that I wasn’t offended by it. I wouldn’t be offended by it, and I answered her question to the best of my knowledge. I don’t consider myself anti-God. I’m just an imperfect person seeking a meaningful, peaceful, and upright existence.

I know that I’ve made mistakes and I try my best not to redo them, and if anything, learn from them. I want to be a loving and devoted husband to my wife, and a wise and compassionate father to my children. I sought guidance from God and was repeatedly blown off and became frustrated with the materialistic as well as bias nature of those that surrounded me.

How their drunken parties and loose sex lives were okay, but my monogamist gay brother’s lifestyle was “The downfall of American nation.” Worst of all was the lack of companionship. I was always on my own pew; nothing I could do was good enough for the group. I could not establish myself, and repeatedly I found myself aching for that companionship. Something very simple; and the few times I did spread my wings I was blown down, while those that looked better than me were allowed to pursue their promiscuous activities.

They say that where God closes a door, He opens a window, and I find that when you try to crawl out of that window, He slams it down on your hands.

I felt like a disoriented rat trying to crawl through a maze filled with a myriad of cruel traps and misleading odors. Read my Blog, Go back before Katrina, Go back long enough to see my intention and how I was continuously cut short while others wrought pain and death unto each other all the while hiding behind sturdy doors and a simple cross. Going unchecked and unchallenged, acting as they willed, while I begged for a friend that I could hug, take to movies, kiss, and hold her hand. That would have (And Still would) just absolutely made my year.

But I was held back. Denied, all around me, things were happening. Married Christian manager gets a blow job from an under-aged drive-through girl. Christian guy can make any girl laugh and hug him like it’s not even a task, he’s consumed with disrespect for them when eyes are turned. Every night I went home, I felt an intense lust for what all these people that had girlfriends, wives, even children. I lusted for what they liked to see as the “Crappy end of the stick.” How I’d give forever and a day just to have one with what they referred to as “Their Bitch”

They could never fully appreciate what they had, Fuck, they didn’t even want it 90 percent of the time, and all that time they didn’t want it, they were looking for “Better,” the girl that I’ve become sick of hearing about. I understand what it’s like to be in a foul relationship, I endured to the end, remaining faithful to her, up to the hour of our departure. I felt this all in one night, like watching a feast from behind a window, being a hungry, starving beggar on the outside, watching a feast on the inside. Their meal was flawless and delicious

They ate and drank their fill, only to purge themselves to make room for more.

That night, all that united within my hollow frame and that night I cried, she listened.

What has become of this Faithful Servant named Anthony Casimire? Although my direction has changed naught, I find myself in the same situation. A time will come when this fog clears, but I have a feeling that my role is not over yet. I want to be a good person; I want to be a good friend. I am tired of Changing my gods. But who can control how they feel.

It’s hard to feel Loved when you do as you’re told and your still denied the sweeter water of life, and how your life’s well is stagnant swamp water. I don’t need wine to live; I can do with water that is at least clean. My spirit was starved. Not only was prayer for a love denied, but even the basics of a good night’s rest, a divine peace, would find its way into me. Darkness was all I knew.

Discontented, unfulfilled, and broken, I sought another. Like a wife that grew tired of her husband’s neglect. I couldn’t bring myself to love Him anymore. I felt unloved, so I sought out one that might appreciate my attention, my affection, my worship. I read many things before I finally found what I am now. And I must say that now I feel like I am a good servant, I feel like I am doing my job well and that the elementals, spirits, and Goddess and God look upon me with favor.

Sure, Life still has its suck-and-blows, it’s still not peachy, I lost one I love, one of my friends has been murdered, and things aren’t perfect. But I also give them credit for the find and good times that we were allowed to share. I give them thanks for the time I had with Bryan, I give them thanks for this wonderful job and opportunities that have come my way. I Feel like I’ve made my Deities proud, and they in return Love me. And I in return Love them, because the divine connection is not about getting what you want all the time. They will help, He Will help, however you choose to see it and whoever you choose to see it with. But ultimately the composer of your successes in life is up to you.

I don’t care about being right, I’d much rather be filled with an innocent form of Happiness or even just contentment. Some people feel the need to dramatically change the world, and every time the world is dramatically changed, it’s Always for the worse. Some people wouldn’t Rest in Peace unless they brought about this change, I for one will die ecstatically if when I died, I knew that I didn’t contribute to Fucking it up more, and that my wife and Children tell me that they loved me and that I was a good father and husband.

Fulcrum

The hardest part about growing up is the friends you lose in the process. Now that all my friends are leaving, I seem to be gaining momentum, not only with the better job, but also with college, living quarters, and so on, I have it made here, but my friends are not biding their time, They want to get out of here, as do I, I was just hoping that as I laid my foundations for my success, all those at my side leave, Especially her.

How she builds her house from straw and sticks, letting blonde ambition and dreams of some fairytale relationship get in the way of her success as well. She is foolish. She thinks that by changing worlds, by making Love to people like me will make her happy. All she is doing is queuing up more people to hurt, pain, anger, and disappoint. She’s a fool. She’s a jester of the fools. But my fortress, my rock, my castle will be open for her as long as the position of “My Queen” is not filled. I wish that she would either claim her throne, or that one seeking the seat of my heart and the crown of Roses would come take her place.

I clearly Envision the world that is in my soul. How a great and powerful dragon reigns as king. A king that rules not with iron fists and commands of men, but with wisdom and justice. He has a heart of gold and eyes like fire, claws as sharp as steel, but a touch like velvet. How his heart burns like a furnace, and how with every pump he conjures more fire and power. His Eyes as clear as crystal and glow like coals. His skin like sheets of razors and with his powerful spirit, he sends all other men and beast running for the woods.

And yet despite his power, he unfolds into a caring and wonderful Love. How his stage is set with dim lights and a musty wine, how he feeds her from the palm of his hand and how he massages away her tension. How he rubs the strife from her shoulders and neck. And then brushes them like a feather. How his shoulders are brawny and strong, and his embrace comforting. How his entwining strikes like lighting, but how his lips are as soft as candle light.

The heat from his mouth and blood envelope him and his Lover. Done in the young eve and like the night, young is his style and innocent is his embrace. His eyes shine like the stars and her lips shimmer like the galaxy. How he continues to kiss her and embrace her tightly. With every throb more deeply grows their kiss and embrace. They embrace the moment with a fiery delight as he gently inserts his tongue into her mouth.

Savor this moment, savor this bliss, as our bodies, minds and spirits unite with this kiss. Don’t just Heed it, Feed it. Don’t just sip but indulge. Take my soul for what it is worth. Indulge in it, My Love. Consume me, my angelic queen. Walk with me in the woods. Let’s race through the ruins enveloped by forest and vine. I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine.

Our love will be like Rose: Even in death it is still retains it’s beauty for all to see. Hug me, Kiss me, caress me, undress me, feel me, steal me, purge me scourge me, for I will always be yours, and you’ll always be mine.

I’ll be your beast you’ll be my feast. I’ll envelope you with kisses from your head to your feet my lips will meet. From your thighs to your face, my face will embrace. I will consume you as thou hast consumed me. How my mind is a plethora of foreplay and romance. How heart would sing for a simple dace. How we’d meet in secret in the woods how I’d smother you with riches and goods. But she denies her throne and there are none who see, the Love inside a Dragon Named “Anthony”

Hello My fellow bloggers, Today I’m very excited because for the last several weeks I have refrained from using Magic because I had a lot of pent up anger and negative energy. But I feel at last that I am again in a performing state of mind. And what’s better is the fact that I’m not sure if Magic works this way, but I feel that my energy has peaked and that with tonight’s ceremony, I plan on sending great amounts of spiritual energy from my body into the Earth.

I feel restless, on overdrive. Though I have not slept well in days, I feel full of energy and vigor. I already know what I want to do. I want to beckon the elementals and ask for their empowerment. I’m going to ask for omen and wisdom for what may come of the next few months. I’m going to ask the spirits of Love and Water to bring me the girl of my dreams, and pray for the wisdom to know her when I see her. I’m going to offer sacrifices of herb, roses, and incense. I can’t wait for it!

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After last night’s post, I centered myself and began to meditate. It had been a while since I spent time in meditation, and it felt good to get a chance to reconnect with myself. My main goal of my meditation was to come to peace with myself, but it evolved into calling together the elements and spirits. I called on them, and when I began to call on fire, I realized at this time, it would be best for me to call only on the spirits of magic in Fire.

Fire is a masculine energy that is the symbol for Magic, vigor, and power. And I realized shortly after calling on the Power of fire, that asking for such a manifestation was like giving a pissed off two-year-old an SMG. I corrected this summon and reverently asked the Spirits of Power to leave. I realized the reason that I should not be using magic right now is that my inner self has been hurt and altered in a way where I have been harboring negative energies and hatred. Though certainly justified, such inner hatred could subconsciously be channeled through my spirit, and worse, through my Magic.

Though such feelings are only Natural, one must keep in mind that By accepting, Practicing, and Using Magic, that you are becoming Supernatural, thus you must be BETTER than your instincts, even if they are justified. You have to become stronger than your fleshy self. You have to keep in mind that Karma takes notice when you up your spiritual ante. So I decided that for right now, it would be unwise to do anything beyond ground and purify myself.

While in meditation, I met a spirit that referred to himself as Tomas, and said that he was an Earth Elemental that knew the knowledge of a useful spell to help me cleanse the negatives and hatred. He asked for a remarkably small sacrifice, but gave me the knowledge of a complicated spell that would take three days to complete. Once I am done, I think I will again be able to be in the performing state.